How To Buy Weed
It is very easy to consider that the simple things we do on a regular basis is “common”. But that is not the case. It would behoove you to always remember that everything you know how to do is something you had to learn to do; from your job, paying bills, even walking. We had to learn how to do everything. But everybody does not learn at the same time. Sometimes, people are not presented with the opportunity to learn what we know yet.
I consume cannabis on a regular basis. I go into dispensaries and check out the new products and accessories, and sample out new buds. Before that option was available, well, we did what we had to do. But I have done it so much and so often that I forgot there was a first time. But one day I had the homies over and my girl looked over at me, straight in the eye and asked, “Ice, how do I buy weed?”.
My immediate reaction was a frozen stare, followed by a roar of laughter. Not because it was funny that she did not know how, but because at that moment I remembered when I needed to ask the same thing. It never occurred to me that I was the one always supplying the product and so she never had to go and buy it herself, which had been the case with her other friends as well. It was the same for me at one point. I would just chip in with cash, but I never dealt with a supplier before.
My first time buying weed was laughable now that I think back on it. Obviously it was very much illegal at the time and I was very particular about keeping a clean slate, so being caught with an illegal substance was not a part of my plans. But I recognized that if I was going to smoke, I had to take chances too. So I called up a homie and told him to set me up with his guy (gotta keep you a guy). He gave me his number and I told my friend to give him a heads up about me calling.
Two problems came up. 1) I watched too much tv. I was very much worried about saying too much over the phone. You never know when the feds are watching. And 2) I did not actually know how to ask for weed. I didn't even know what unit of measurement to ask in!!! Also, by this time, I had been smoking so long that I believed it was too late for me to ask. I should have already had it figured out (that’s what I thought). It was like not knowing a person’s name that you knew for a while, and now its just too late to ask so you just wait for someone else to say it (they never fucking do!). But that is how I felt, and so I did not ask. I just dialed the number.
The conversation sounded a lot like this: “Hey, so uhhhhhhhh, my friend said you could get me some….uhhhhh….stuff”. And of course I did not know exactly what I wanted, so I was creative. “So what do you have?”. He rambled off a list of names and I had no idea what the hell he was talking about. At this point I was not worried about the different strains of weed. I just wanted to smoke whatever weed was in front of me. I recognize that at this moment I sound like a Weedhead but chill. I handled my business.
I had a budget of $100 and so I just picked the cheapest weed and got as much of that as I could.
The drop off was a lot more professional. He came to my friend’s house and he smoked us out. I handed him the bill, he left my stuff on the table, and I felt like a badass having just completed my first transaction and not being caught by an undercover cop. Yes, my imagination takes things that far.
Luckily for you, buying from your friendly neighborhood Weedman does not have to be your option. Nor do I recommend it at this point for those of us who have access to legal means, but to each their own, and I support the support of local businesses. But now you can simply take a trip to your local dispensary.
Ok, the moment you’ve been waiting for. I’m going to walk you through a very simple explanation of how to buy weed. I will leave out prices because those things are going to vary depending on state, strain, dispensary, time of year, birthdate, horoscope, the position of the moon, you see where I am going with this.
When people talk about buying weed, they are usually referring to “flower”. Cannabis is typically broken down by pounds, ounces, and grams. First of all, you will never walk into a dispensary and ask to buy a pound of weed. So do not worry about that. What you are likely to see on a menu is the flower broken down by eighths (⅛ oz), quarters (¼ oz), and grams. They also have what are called pre-rolls, which is just the flower already pre-packed in a cone.
When buying flower from a dispensary you will be presented with an abundance of options that can feel quite overwhelming. That’s ok. Look over at the counter and you will see the bright face of your very own Bud Tender. They are there to help you pick out the strain that is best suited for your needs. Ask all the questions you have. They are typically very patient and really excited to talk to people about their products.
Unless you are used to seeing it yourself, you probably do not have a good take on how much an eighth, or quarter of cannabis is. Here is something to help you break it down:
1 Pre-roll (blunt) — .75 - 1.25 grams
1 eighth—3.5 grams
1 quarter—7 grams
1 half—14 grams
1 ounce—28 grams
1 pound—16 ounces—448 grams
Once you pick your strain and the amount you desire, simply pay up. It is good to note that most dispensaries currently only deal in cash, so be sure to stop by the ATM. When you go into a dispensary you will see much more than flower products. Cannabis has evolved over the years. There are different products and ways in which to consume cannabis that are so detailed they require their own story. But if you are like me and just want something nice to puff on, this is all you really need to know.
If it is your first time purchasing, have fun with it. Do not be afraid to ask as many questions as you need to feel comfortable. If you would like to do a bit of research before going, there are apps that will supply you with tons of information. Weedmaps and Leafly are just 2 apps that you can download that will help you find local dispensaries, allow you to look at their menu, and provide you with information about the different strains available. But the most important part in all this is to have fun and enjoy the experience. Purchasing Cannabis, whether it is for recreation or medicinal use, should not be stressful. So take a deep puff, and exhale. Feel better? Ready to head to the dispensary?
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